There is a lie floating around out there that I believe a lot of people (Christian and Non-Christian alike) are buying into. This particular lie is causing a lot of problems in marriages! People who are buying into this lie are either~
- Getting divorced
- Refusing to get divorced but genuinely believe they married the wrong person.
- Missing out on a relationship altogether because they are terrified of making the wrong decision
So what is this lie that is causing so much strife?
When you find the person that is right for you then it will be easy
Christians like to word it like this
When you find the one God created just for you it will be easy
Now, I will be the first to say that as a Christian, I believe that God creates our spouses for us; however, that does not mean that your relationship will be conflict-free all the time. I will proudly proclaim to anyone that stands still long enough that Alex was created just for me but we still run into things that are hard sometimes. We live in a fallen world and we are imperfect people. Hard times come and go in every relationship. The lie isn’t on whether or not God created someone for you, the lie is if it isn’t easy then it isn’t right. The lie says everything good comes naturally. The lie is ruining relationships.
I see so many couples hitting those rough patches and feeling as if they made a mistake. They are throwing in the towel and giving up instead of getting down and doing the work necessary to make their marriages work. They are giving up because they genuinely believe that if it was the right person it would not be as hard. Our society just to validate this lie by proclaiming this perfect picture of what a relationship is supposed to look like. I’m sure you have that picture in your head. The perfect marital relationship. This picture is packed full of tidy moments, smooth schedules, conflict-free days, and perfect human beings but we all know that very few things in life are tidy and smooth and none of us are perfect. Yet we stare at that picture in our minds and dream of that perfect person and perfect life. Truth is every couple has struggles. That couple that just came to your mind that is the picture of perfection, they struggle too. The couple with the house, the business, the kids, the dog, and the ministry. Yes, they struggle too. Struggles are seasonal its how you handle them that determines if you are going to make it the distance or not.
Finding Mr. and Mrs. Right
Let’s hit the pause button for a moment. Let’s explore the idea of finding the “right” person. Does Mr. and Mrs. Right really exist!? I believe the answer is yes! Can we make the wrong choice and pick the wrong person. I believe the answer is yes! But I may see it a little differently than some do. Let me explain, I stated earlier that I believe that God creates your spouse for you but we are free to choose who we marry. Where I see things a little differently than some is in the fact that I believe (with few exceptions) that if you are married you have found the right one. They may not be acting like the right one (and you may not be either) but if both people will put in the work any relationship can be healthy and happy. I believe that once you have married if both people will give the relationship their all it can work out and be beautiful. Will it always be easy, no. But it can be beautiful. It will take deliberate decisions and daily choices but it can work. So let’s talk about “finding Mr. and Mrs. Right”.
Advice for finding your Mr. and Mrs. Right
Engaged and Single
Marriage takes work but it is so worth the work. But everything should not be hard. Some struggles can be avoided simply by using wisdom. Some marriages are hard because people make them hard. I really only have one critical piece of advice for anyone that is single and looking for the right one or engaged to be married.
Make Wise Decisions!
This made seem like a no brainer but unfortunately, it isn’t. When it comes to the person you are going to marry you CAN NOT BE TOO PICKY! Seriously, let’s not get ridiculous with our expectations of our future spouse but somethings are important.
- Are they a Christian?
- Are they kind?
- Do they have a good work ethic?
- Are they faithful to you?
- Are they clean- no drugs, or addictions
- Do they treat you well- (no abuse of any kind)
- Do they speak to your innate needs and speak love to you
Those were just a few questions that quickly popped into my head as I was writing. What is important to you? What is something you desire from your spouse? Just from my list above, I can promise you that if these things are not happening in the dating/engagement period they will 100% not happen after marriage.
Listen to me carefully here- If your significant other is not treating you in the way that you want to be treated (and I am speaking to men and women alike) getting married will not magically change them into the person that you want them to be!
I can not stress enough the importance of choosing your spouse wisely! God wants the best for you. When it comes to the person that you will spend the rest of your life with DO NOT SETTLE! Remember marriage is a covenant that should be taken seriously. Do not enter into it with someone that will not be a wise choice for you. My advice changes once the covenant has been created so I urge you to make the decision on who to marry prayerfully and wisely. If you are in a relationship with someone that is not a wise choice walk away before marriage not afterward.
Disclaimer- if you are in an abusive relationship I am not advocating for anyone to stay in a dangerous situation. I am speaking to marriages that are having hard situations but are not dangerous or abusive.
With that in mind, married people, my advice to you guys is to do everything in your power to make the marriage a happy one. There are seasons in a marriage that are beautiful, enjoy those. There are seasons in a marriage that are hard because of circumstances, use those times to draw closer together. There are seasons in marriage when things are hard between you and your spouse. In those moments, make the decision that regardless of how things look your spouse is the right person for you and do everything possible to restore the relationship. If you can fix it on your own, great! If not, go get whatever help is needed. There is no shame in that! Better to humble yourself and ask for help than to lose your relationship. I can really boil all this down in two simple steps.
- Once married view your spouse as THE RIGHT ONE, not a mistake
- Do everything in your power to make the relationship a happy one
Hard Doesn’t Equal Wrong
Marriage does not equal easy but hard doesn’t equal wrong either! Put in the work to make your marriage a beautiful adventure. Things worth having very seldom come easily but they are so very worth it. If you are single and looking for your person you are worthy of a godly spouse. If your marriage is in a hard season it is worth the work.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!