Who likes taking personality tests? I do! I enjoy learning about myself and finding out why I do certain things, certain ways. I enjoy learning what my strengths are and how I can use them to accomplish the things the Lord wants me to do. I also like to know what my weaknesses are as well that way I can work on turning them into strengths. Another reason I love personality tests is because of the insight it gives me into the people that are in my life. I enjoy learning about my friends so I can be a better friend to them. I enjoy learning more about Alex so that I can be a better wife.
Honestly, I am a nerd. I like learning things and then applying them to my life.
I have taken several tests throughout the years to help me know myself better but I have just recently come across the Enneagram. You may have already heard about it. It has been around for years now but somehow I had missed it until about 6 months ago. Honestly, I did not take it right away because it seemed a little complicated. There are about a million different test that you will find if you google the Enneagram and since I did not know which ones were accurate tests I just pushed it aside. It just seemed too complicated to me. It wasn’t until I found Beth McCord through the Go and Tell Gals podcast that I really got into it! She is a Christian and her studies on the Enneagram are all Christ-centered. Since I knew she was a Christian I took the test she offered and have learned so much about myself, Alex, and the people in my life.
Why Take the Enneagram?
The enneagram sheds light into your personality type and why you do the things you do and how you relate to others. But what makes this different than any other test? The reason I am loving this test so much is because of how in-depth it is. I have only begun to scratch the surface of this test because of all there is to learn from it but just based on what I know so far I am hooked. It not only goes over what your strengths are but it also talks about how to grow and maintain a healthy lifestyle and relationships based on your type.
The Enneagram has put into words things about myself that I have never been able to put into words. It has helped me understand myself on such a deeper level. Since I understand myself better, I can be a better version of myself every day.
The Nine Types
When you take the test you will be one of nine types. I am going to go over each type very briefly here but I encourage you to take the test and find out what your type is. Once you find your type there is a wealth of knowledge that you can learn about yourself.
Type 1- The Moral Perfectionist- This type loves to have everything in their lives be done correctly. They are constantly looking for ways to make themselves and things around them better than it was.
Type 2-The Supportive Advisor- This type loves to help others and is very intuned to the needs of the people around them. These are the people that you see going into action when something needs to be done.
Type 3-The Successful Achiever- This type loves goals and achievement. They are very driven and focused and because of that, they tend to accomplish a great deal.
Type 4- The Romantic Individualist- This type loves being unique and special. They love beauty and creativity. They are very introspective.
Type 5- The Investigative Thinker- This type loves to learn something new. They are typically very independent. They prefer doing things on their own instead of asking for help.
Type 6-The Loyal Guardian-This type loves security and knowing the details of situations. They are fiercely loyal to the people in their lives that they trust and love.
Type 7- The Entertaining Optimist- This type loves fun. They are always up for a good time and they tend to always have a positive outlook.
Type 8-The Protective Challenger- This type is very direct, bold, and protective. They love justice and will make sure the people in their lives and themselves are protected from injustice.
Type 9- The Peaceful Mediator-This type loves peaceful situations. They are good listeners and tend to bring peace and calm to situations. They are very discerning.
Again that was a super brief description of each type just to give you an idea of each one. Do you see one that jumps out at you yet?
If you are interested in learning your type below are Beth McCord’s logo and the information about her website. There you will find a free assessment with resources about each type. She also offers classes that go further into each type and classes on becoming an Enneagram coach yourself. You can also find her on Instagram at @yourenneagramcoach
So how can we use the Enneagram to help our marriages?
By using the Enneagram you will not only learn about yourself but you can also learn about your spouse as well. By knowing their type, how they respond to certain things, what their strengths and weaknesses are, and how they receive affirmation, we can grow your relationship and make it stronger. You can become more unified as a couple because you will work together and be able to communicate better because of the information you will have about each other.
I said early that it has helped me to understand myself better but it has also helped me to understand Alex on a deeper level as well. In fact, by learning our types it has helped me to understand something Alex said to me five years ago. Yeh, you read that right. It helped me understand a statement that was spoken 5 years ago.
Alex and I have just celebrated our 7th anniversary. On our 2nd anniversary, I asked Alex why he liked being married to me. He told me that he liked being married to me because I needed him. What I heard him say was, “You are needy, but I like it.” Now that was not what he had said but that is what I heard. I did not know why but I did not like that. I did not like the idea of neediness. I did not like that (I thought) Alex thought I was needy. I saw it as a weakness, not a compliment. I could not put my finger on why I did not like what he said. I knew by the way he had said it that he meant it as a compliment and I did not want to hurt his feelings so I just didn’t say anything.
Now let’s fast forward five years. Alex and I take the Enneagram test. I am a type 5 and he is a type 2. Type 5’s are very independent and they do not like asking for help and being needy. Type 2’s love to feel needed and help others. They feel loved when someone needs them. As I was reading about both types the Lord reminded me of the conversation we had 5 years ago. Suddenly what Alex said to me made sense. Suddenly I knew what he was communicating to me. It really was such a high compliment when I understood his type. It also showed me why I had originally not liked what I thought he was saying. From that knowledge, I went to Alex and shared that with him. We have grown closer to each other and have learned more about each other by having that conversation and it all happened because we learned our Enneagram type.
That is just one example of how knowing our types have helped us as a couple. There have been several situations where I have responded differently to Alex because I understood his actions and motives better based on this test and the same is true for Alex. I feel like I can communicate and affirm Alex much more effectively now than before I knew his type.
The main point I want to make about the importance of learning about yourself and your spouse is this- When we seek knowledge we also gain a deeper understanding. From that deeper understanding comes greater discernment into how to respond to situations that arise. When we respond correctly communication improves. When communication improves we grow into the couple we are supposed to be.
Knowledge = Growth
I encourage you to dive into this and do your own research. Learn as much as you can about yourself and your spouse. Knowledge is power. This blog was about the Enneagram but there are several different personality tests that you can take that will help you understand yourself and your spouse better. I encourage you to find out as much as you can!
The more we know the more we grow and the better we become!
We are praying for you!